blahblahblah

saturday again.

2009-03-07T13:52:00.002+08:00

ara..
joween has a list.
a list combining to-dos and stuff to get.
but she has no idea where to start from.
mm.
mmm.
m.
hahas, that's seriously like mm.
because i got like blank mind.
siaaalah!
mm, but joween got absolutely high yesterday; sprite, vanilla coke, and i finally got this song.
hahas, and i think i busted my ankle again.
it was sort of still sore, and i totally missed a step yesterday and fell, and my ankle feels more sore.
;x oops.
i SO FEEL LIKE EATING JAPANESE FOOD.
since yesterday.
okay, totally random blog post.
the monsters are fighting.
-.-"
sigh.

everywhere!

2009-03-06T11:59:00.004+08:00

changed my skin again, it's been a while since i used a black based skin, suddenly seems a bit dark.
but it's simple and plain.
so, i'm happy.
went to help out at tns again yesterday, the seniors are finally putting their show up next weekend.
anyone wants to buy tickets for opening night(friday)? seats are totally not sold out!
D;
it's only ten dollars, marine parade cc, at eight p.m.
anyways, after doing as much as we could, we went and ate at parkway parade.
thomas got hotpot, wee peng got laksa and bandung.
and thomas wanted to get stingray.
and my stomach lurched; won't you just stay overseas and take your presence with you?
reading a book now by cupcake brown, i'm considering really naming a future kid jelly now.
anyways, looking for songs!
bloodhound gang- the bad touch
~~the ting tings- be the one~~
~~the ting tings- shut up and let me go~~
diana ross- if we hold on together
anybody has any?
please send it over: jo.alexiscion@hotmail.com

super long post

2009-03-04T13:44:00.004+08:00

as joween is typing this, she is managing to swallow her first meal in a very long while.
and listening to dean geyer: if you don't mean it; don't say you love me, i don't believe it, don't say the words if you don't mean it, don't wanna hear it out in the open-
yesterday joween didn't eat because she just kept vomiting, she felt horrid the whole day with her stomach revolting and her head aching.
yesterday, joween went to help out at tns to do the set for theatre for seniors.
she accidentally drilled some skin off her thumb, hammered it twice, scratched her index finger and got wood varnish that won't wash off all over her hands and the soles of her feet, including the raw bit of her index finger.
yesterday, joween saw ahma get a stroke, and she couldn't do anything to help niang or ahma.
yesterday, joween tried to clear the air, she doesn't think it went very well, but she's going to keep it at that, and let things work themselves out.
yesterday/this morning, maorui got joween home, and joween feels bad that she always has to call him for such matters.
she is also rather freaked by the motorcycle ride.
yesterday joween couldn't do anything, couldn't help anyone, and had to trouble everyone.
she went to sleep at seven o'clock this morning because she stayed up to wake maorui who was crashing on her couch up to report to camp.
she had a nightmare, and she woke up with her insides twisting and her heart pounding.
and it felt as though everything inside of her were straining against whatever choke hold a phantom hand had them in.
so she woke up.
and got lectured by her granma who saw the motorcycle helm in her desk chair that she's temporarily safekeeping.
and got scolded by her mother because she's complaining that joween is going home too late and her elder sister is complaining.
her elder sister never had first year attachments, her elder sister was never interested in doing school stuff, her elder sister never joined a cca in polytechnic.
and it's not like joween likes going home late; she hates it, it scares her.
joween doesn't feel like being happy lately, she feels guilty when she's smiling or laughing and her heartbeat quickens everytime she types "hahas" or a smiley face, she feels like a hypocrite, and she feels like she's making a mountain out of a molehill because there are so many people out there with more severe problems to worry about and here she is being selfish again and again! and she's so angry at herself that she's not doing what she should and she's so angry with herself for not being stronger or becoming more independent. and she's so angry with herself that she can't help anyone or do anything. and she's so angry with herself that she's so lacking, and she especially hates herself for being lacking, that she isn't improving at all from last time because she was selfish and thoughtless and naive and unhelpful and she still is!
today, joween feels confused and lost, and her stomach won't let her eat today either.
so she is no longer managing to swallow her first meal in a long while, and she is not managing to keep it down either.

all in a day's work

2009-03-02T00:29:00.002+08:00

because ultimately, i am a hypocrite.
i will throw my mess at other people to solve for me.
and conjure stupid plans.
that don't work.
but if the machinations were discovered and both turned on one, why not?
you'd be friends again, and i'd just be the evil one.

teentitans!

2009-02-28T23:39:00.003+08:00

have you ever;
wished that superheroes did exist?
wished that the people you loved reciprocated?
wished that you had more time?
i'm damn worried.
mama has suddenly vetoed my part time dip.
and i'm like.
chickennehnehpok.
i cannot come out, then do whatever, get whatever qualifications i need to go wherever if i cannot make it with this diploma!!
i'll be wasting more time, and then i won't have enough to do anything!
>.<
i'm freaked out.

simi lan jiao!

2009-02-28T02:57:00.002+08:00

hahas, i'm really like blogging damn a lot!
for what also don't know.
XD
like no one read anyway.
damn tired, but cannot sleep leh.
;x
like, just cannot sleep.
hahas, researching the damn part time diplomas and the websites are so not idiotproof!
T_T
i've only written down info for one.
because it's got the clearest and most information; and then i stare at the rest, and i totally don't feel like copying anymore.
bleagh.
and i'm now trying to persuade die to make a day free so i can go over and ransack his liquor.
i have to finish the marketing part time dip research now.
like today.
or rather, it's already tomorrow, my nights and days keep merging and i can't keep track anymore.
but very 力不从心, i do tomorrow lah.
go find yeewei and co. at airport!
cannot stay at home lah, will wallow in misery, self-doubt and all sorts of other rubbish because i'm such an emo-whore.
i should go sleep.
yes, i should; monsters coming tomorrow, and mama's buying caitaokueh!
^^
i want extra black with verylittle chilli.
i have no idea whether you still read my blog; maybe you do, maybe you don't. or maybe you've nevr come near it.
it's not like i don't want to talk to you; i don't know what to do and totally exited messenger because i never said i wanted to talk to you. it's just awkward i guess, i definitely don't want to talk to you, not yet, maybe next time, or maybe if you instigate it, but i also won't know what to say and even if there are issues, i'll skirt around them, and end up spouting some rubbish like, did you know that the swiss discovered a new disease? it's called Palmare PlayStation Hidradenitis, caused by playing too much playstation. i dunno lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. but i think i know lah, it's just joween complicating matters again.
stupid her right?

focus

2009-02-27T20:45:00.005+08:00

yesterday, i was tired, and i went to sleep!
okay, weird, but it just feels good to be able to go sleep when you're tired instead of thinking about stuffs, or doing assignments.
NEWSFLASH; old news actually.
i am broke.
XD
my fault lah, went to emo with niang.
at our typical airport t3 tcc.
;x
hahas, we only managed to take one nice picture together, and it wasn't even in tcc.
went back to ahs after that with jo and niennie, omn.
they're applying to american institutions after here, and i was thinking, omn.
i haven't prepped anything, and i haven't done anything, and i won't be able to go anywhere with my shitty gpa.
and i have a million things to say and do in that regard, and i'm doing currently. (webpage still loading..i'm just a born slacker.)
soo, i appear to be doing a lot of bonding with people i used to hang out with and no longer do.
recently.
it's freaky the way everyone's moving on, and i don't seem to be advancing, and they have like all these other worries, and here i am, being depressed over stuff that just seems minor.
anyway.
johannes insists i photoshop her pimples away before putting her pictures up.
so tcc.

today

2009-02-26T23:45:00.003+08:00

today,
joween went back to the chinese physician's.
apparently, her ankle is swollen at another area, so the doctor rubbed it again, and put a new bandage herbal sticky thingy on the new area.
the good news is that joween is no longer confined to her home.
;DDD
today,
joween felt like vomiting the whole day.
she ate because her granma wanted her to eat, then vomited it out in some public toilet.
where the rain was loud enough outside with the thunder to hide the horrid retching noises.
but she feels hungry now.
after crying like hell just now.
joween doesn't feel any much better, but
thank you to sinying who totally ranted for me.
thank you chrystal for kidding around with me on the idea of your bus-ing down to bop him.
thank you die for telling me about how all men are asshole including yourself.
thank you yeewei because you looove me like i loooooove you.
thank you niang because of your love as well, i love you too!
thank you marcus for going to buy jelly popsicles with me and listening.
thank you to whoever else for words of solidarity, 我被摸了.
joween feels good enough to go and toast some fattening hashbrowns and cheese on toast now; because she is a superhero!
^^

-.-"

2009-02-26T00:14:00.003+08:00

i seem to blog more everytime i get all D;
anyways.

random pictures of what i did with my foot.

because i was so horrendously bored.

i actually even practised/experimented with a bunch of different faces on a piece of paper before doing it to my foot.

gosh.
and.

created a new to-do-list.
i will persevere with it.
if i don't manage to find a job, then i shall hole myself up at the national library and go to sp library to photocopy books.
and i shall read till i go blind, then go to savh and make a difference for the blind people of singapore.
actually, for my own selfish benefits lah.
XD
mm...i will not spend my latest tuition pay on useless things.
i will keep it safe and buy my headphones ultimately.
i will find a job this holidays.
*please let me find a job*
it's okay;
to be sad, everyone's unhappy sometime.
to tell yourself, it's only a month plusplus old and that it didn't mean anything, even if you know it did. just to make yourself feel better.
to say you expected this, it'll teach you a lesson.
to cry and cry and cry when you are ready to, because you'll wipe it all away and it'll be a new day.
to still believe that you can succeed in life through belief and hard work, no matter how much it doesn't seem so.
to take your time getting over things, as long as you do.
to get close to people in a short time, even if it doesn't work out, at least you were happy for that bit, so don't be afraid to put your all into something else when it does come.
to want to go and booze, but don't do it.
to want to do something drastic, but please restrict it to your hair or poking holes in your body.

to want to do a lot of things and wear yourself out and down so you won't have the additional energy to think about anything else, but don't overdo it.
that people didn't have faith in you, you will work harder for other people who do.
it's okay, because you've become so much better over the years, and you will rise to the occasion like always with the same happy smile and attitude.

byebye

2009-02-25T20:04:00.002+08:00

joween got dumped.
D;
ouchies.
she's gotta start believing in more realistic things; not everything works out just because you put effort into it.

acronyms

2009-02-25T14:12:00.003+08:00

mm, was going to post up list of acronyms used for the previous papers that bernie, nich, sinying and i came up with.
but, no mood lah, not after messing up the last paper.
actually.
just generally no mood.
going to blog about random stupid things.
my granma is cooking this pig trotters in black vinegar and ginger thing; the revolting smell has permeated every inch of the house, and i so feel like vomiting.
unfortunately, i'm under house confinement.
or i'd totally wing it out of the house, and get jelly popsicles, which are my latest favourite thing to eat.
they are just about the best things this side of joween's taste buds.
at least, i managed to successfully shower without wetting my bandage plus not covering the bandage up with plastic.
my original plan was to cling wrap it then scotchtape the ends.
then i couldn't be bothered to.
the bed is my best friend currently; i am constantly walking to it and flopping down and just enjoying the fact that i can nod off because there isn't anything else to do.
am also waiting for some funny company to get back to me regarding an interview.
(um. joween has no idea what to wear to interviews.)
okay lah, have a rough idea.
omn, my granma just asked me to dig out another bottle of black vinegar, and she totally poured it into the pot.
i'm being asphyxiated out of my life.
chicken nuggets~!

ohhhmaiigawwsh!

2009-02-22T22:19:00.002+08:00

was reading my past posts.
and i think i've changed my writings a lot.
i've gotten darker and more depressive as the years go by,
is this what erikson terms as identity vs. role confusion?
or intimacy vs. isolation?
but increasing number of posts typed in mandarin.
maybe because i expect that people will be too lazy to read it or just can't read it?
mm, i don't know.
i hate thinking.
i keep doing that.
and all it does, is give me massive brain ache, make me do things, say stuff that create major problems.
;x
supposed to be better after the exams, but i've gone and put a foot in it, so now i have to find a job.
and it has to fit in with tns.
and i really need to write everything down.
and i have.
but there just seems to be so damned many things to do.
i'll be happy when tns is over.
when the holidays are over.
i can't wait for school to start, even if i won't like the freshies.

我还好吗？我并不好，这几天身体怪怪的，在太阳下还能觉得冷，表面

上虽然显得很有精力，很开心，不过一直有种说不出/无法解释的不祥预

感在心里闷着。试着去了解它时却什么结果也没有；只会感觉到心跳 ''怦

怦，怦怦'' 的加速，自己的呼吸根本就追不上，拼命的试着吸气，却感觉

到周围西湖根本就没有空气。而慌张的感觉因此而诞生，慌张变恐慌，变

成另一个无法解释的害怕的感觉。而在这时，另一个可怕的问题便会在产

生，自己其实是知道自己面对的是什么问题，为什么要去逃避它呢？？想

了很久，真的想了很久，累了。我能不要再想了吗？我可以就这样放弃

吗？我真的不想再走下去了。一直往内心里挖出根本就不存在的力气，辛

苦了，放弃它，走了吧。

;x;x;x;x;x;x;x

2009-02-22T01:38:00.003+08:00

dear joween chong,

please be more rational, do not be dumb and study the whole day, become all emotional and depressed, turn off your phone, mope around somemore, then call overseas when you finally turn your accursed phone on. just because you felt like it. please learn that people in this world survive because they are rational, a trait deemed good as per darwin's theory of natural selection. and even if you were to call, please at least KNOW the cost of calling and try to limit call time! (especially in your case, where you don't know how much it costs.)
>.<

secondly, stop letting the information that your mother is going to screw you upside down take such a long time to sink in. just get a job asap; which you have already begun to work towards, so for now, just shut up. and study. do not vex me any further.

speaking of studies; please quit getting emotional and depressed after mugging for hours. it is such a brainless and nonsensical thing to do; you do not need to further prove what a bimbo you are.

however, i'd like to commend you on being able to actually complete some rather presentable looking notes and acronyms for your work(despite their unsavoury natures). and on this good note, i shall end my warning letter to you to be more cautious, to think before speaking, look before leaping. otherwise i might just follow up my previous threat to leave you completely, as it is, i am already a foot out of the door.

a further recommendation: make a list of things you have to do and buy, how much everything is, what times you have to do anything. if anything, it is always good to stay organised, especially if you're going to insist on being this flaky and absent-minded.

best wishes,
your sanity

the all-important internet

2009-02-20T22:15:00.004+08:00

-the internet is a necessary evil!
-yeewei said so!
-quit defending your slothful ways!
->.<

anyways, this is the bored work of people who are not studying ilp when they are supposed to at fc5.

at least i managed to finish one quarter of a page of notes..

这个学段拼得好累，不过快到尽头了，就算有多疲惫，等在这最后的冲刺

后再向周公追债也不迟；加油吧！

无畏的事就别去烦恼了，让别人先跨出第一步，让他人去苦恼，也不错。

ara~~

2009-02-20T00:18:00.003+08:00

もう、ほんとに... ...
i really must get to work now!
sound like the rabbit from alice in wonderland.
-.-"
anyways, the past few days, joween has been subsisting on caffeine and techno!
and ayumi hamasaki~~
and more coffee and techno.
XD

HEADLESS CHICKEN NUGGETS!

2009-02-19T03:25:00.002+08:00

arrrrrhhh!
it appears i'm here despite my resolution.
ああ、くそが
the evil chicken nugget puppets made me do it!
the headless chickens.
;x
they got so traumatised that they're uncherished unwanted chicken bits as compared to unwanted duck and goosey bits.
>.<
they're beyond evil.
they're manipulative little nugget-shaped creatures and they are positively malevolent.
*beware!*

hiatus

2009-02-14T16:41:00.002+08:00

at the airport with yeewei and felicia.
too much tcc has made me turn against starbucks.
XD
anyways, i'm retiring from the internet till after exams.
i can hear disbelieving laughter; i can abstain okay!
anyways, my laptop is low on disk space.
the c drive thingy is red.
which is freaky.
i'm so headed to sp's technician to get rid of the windows xp.
it shouldn't affect my vista right?
>.<
spss can take a hike off a cliff, or i can just call the customer service and ask about getting it done on vista.
either ways.
i'm getting rid of the damn xp.

cats!!!

2009-02-12T22:41:00.003+08:00

CATS is returning to singapore.
there is a recession.
in other words.
joween cannot go and watch it!
T_T
wahhhhhhh~~~~~
actually can lah.
but it'll set my plans for other things back.
;x
watch CATS?
don't watch CATS?
>.<
arrrrrhhhhhhhhh!

tcc

2009-02-11T20:41:00.006+08:00

changed skin to cheer myself up.
it looks so happy!
met chrystal today after like five years of stagnation.
and we still managed to talk and catch up.
joween is damn 感动! because apparently, the dearest girl cut out my news article from p.6 and still has it!
o.o!
and apparently, people still remember my unfortunate appearance on s********'s b******** k**.
>.< *prays really really hard that they forget overnight* i mean, it's so dreadful to be known as the girl who joined the show, or something by the rest of your batch. can't you remember me for some other things? what the hell. like, i don't remember what i was like in primary school, except that i was obnoxious and rude and mean.
but, not the point, i'd rather be remembered as least popular?
or the block of wood who can't read people or understand what people are currently going through.
i'm in the utterly effing wrong course.
i have no people skills and unless someone outrightly tells me, or is obviously upset, i won't be able to tell.
why the hell am i in dadp?
i've lost sight of what i wanted to do, it all seems so difficult to reach and seems so impossible now.
i only have a vague idea, the tiniest inclination about what i'll do, or end up doing.
where is my previous resolve; or motivation?
why is everything taking the downward path that i had anticipated it to go, and tried so hard to prevent?
self-fulfilling prophecies or may i just blame murphy?

我不是不要；其实是要得很，只不过现在还那么早，接下来又不知会有什么

变化，我也无法开门见山地给你一个答复。因为我也是有自己的理想与梦，

我无法乖乖地当一个人背后的小女人，我也是有自己自私的需要...我不要你为

我而改变之前的计划，我会觉得愧疚，不过我也不能为了你而在这么早的阶

段定下什么约定。我不知道该怎么把这道理解释给你，已经不会感应别人的

我，正在很努力的试着让你安心地念书，现在的情况却好似弄巧反拙。考试

即将来临，压力很大，要做的东西没有减少，反而一直在胀，要逃避又不是

自己的作风。

加油吧，与其悲观的面对问题，拿出平时的笑脸与执着去对付烦恼，我行

的！

>.<

quit it

2009-02-10T23:01:00.002+08:00

quit it.
draw a close to everything.
all those actions of yours.
the statements that don't make sense.

rawr.
actually, they do.
just stop it joween chong.
stopitstopitstopitstopit.
stop doing dumb things.
and saying all the damn wrong things.
and messing everything up.
have faith in yourself.
and do what you just wrote less than a week ago.
have faith in others.

rambling

2009-02-09T01:19:00.002+08:00

i am totally doing devised journal now.
i dislike doing it.
because all the dates mix together and merge into an indecipherable pile of mush in my brain.
work was fun; my favourite incest couple appeared.
i got to cuddle cute girls and watch movies.
and i sound like some sick perverted paedophile.
anyways, happy thoughts!
^^
are happy.
and liquorice is revolting.
it's the most awful thing on earth; who was the dreadful person who invented it and classified it as a type of candy?!
okay, going to go back and do work now.
if i tell you i love you, will you peel my prawns for me?

tarzan and jane!

2009-02-07T22:56:00.003+08:00

i am listening to the avenue q soundtrack.
princeton and kate are totally having really loud sex.
along with the rest of the building tenants.
-.-"
i have totally forgot my point in posting.
been mood swinging a lot lately.
;x
i think it's like energy conservation on my body's part, it's easier to be all grouchy and silent.
rarrh! be afraid of the scary joween grouch monster.
okay, you can all go turn off your air conditioners and fans now.
on a sidenote, WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE!

knowledge

2009-02-07T00:43:00.001+08:00

i know what i want.
do you?

ill

2009-02-03T13:41:00.002+08:00

joween is ill.
nothing that panadols didn't take away.
joween is sporting an infection.
that she wished would just FUCK OFF.
joween is angry.
it's topped by unhappiness and frustration and stress and the thousands of hundreds of millions of things crowding her mind.

>.<

2009-02-02T23:11:00.003+08:00

i have a zillion things to complete.
i am blogging.
good job joween.
you are so bloody intelligent.
that's why you can't even afford to buy train concession now.
that's why you have like pus and some blood coming out of your fatty navel fat now.
and you are still procrastinating.
brilliant.
这是给外国的您写的；因为我料到你应该不认识这些字。本来就不熟悉的华语换成字打出来，更难晓得吧？就有如我们之间的感情，本来不是很熟悉彼此就凭三分之一的感觉，一分的理智跳进感情中，或许你感觉不到自己与华文有了疏远，不过我们之间一直增长的距离，是我自己的幻想吗？还是你也已经感受到了？我不知道。因为我不知道得其实还有很多，很多，我不懂得该怎么去了解你，怎么去认识更深一层的你，不懂得自己该做到什么程度。更害怕会失去我所了解那么一点点的你；甚至连写了的信都没胆送出去。

back to school

2009-01-28T19:23:00.003+08:00

back to school.
nothing interesting.
let's talk about the second day of new year,
where i happily played with my cousins.
okay, i didn't.
they dragged me to play.
namely tim,

the happiest little toddler of three years old to ever bounce on this earth, who enjoyed grabbing my finger in his pudgy hands and running everywhere, and staring at my chest.
-.-" developing pervert, that one.

and dylan!
also another three year old, the intelligent byproduct of my grandmother's godson and his wife.
he is so smart, he can do puzzles.
and not those rubbish fake four piece wooden toys, but a real puzzle with more than ten pieces.
they came over to visit, and dylan spent the entire evening/night watching movies snuggled up in my lap on my laptop.
we were watching cars, and enchanted, and he is amazingly perceptive!
he's even got the bonus of two ultra deep dimples, which you cannot see because i have bad photography skills.

tree hugger

2009-01-26T20:24:00.003+08:00

cny gets worse every year.

because increasingly less people visit.

and sitting at home.

is just boring.

on top of it.

i think my piercing is getting infected.

bleagh.

highlights of the day:

there is a plastic TWENTY dollar note, okay, i'm slow, but it's a twenty dollar note! -.-"
i got a message~~ ;D
kitty's coming over at nine thirty to relieve our mutual boredom

bleagh

2009-01-25T18:30:00.003+08:00

this is joween's old and fat "好好先生"(as dubbed by niang)

i'm sorry i didn't manage to wake up and send you off!
T.T
imma such an evil and heartless person.
sorry!!
take care in australia and mug ultrasupermega hard alrights!
;D
because it's already your last year and you should totally make the most of it.

and don't strain your kneeeeeeeeeeeeeeees! ^^
or you'll really become old earlier than you're supposed to.
^^
hearts to you, ddt.
going to eat "reunion dinner" with the immediate family.
so-called because it's just dinner with my granma, mother, sister and my mother's boyfriend.
who apparently already ate dinner with his own family.
and i think it's quite hard on him..
;x
because i don't think his father approves of him seeing mama, and much less know anything about their decision to get registered in the future or anything.
and he has to like keep up appearamces there and here.
>.<
ouchies.
i got carpet burns from playing with the kids today.
bleaghhh.
i miss you already.

fat

2009-01-24T11:41:00.002+08:00

went out with niang~
and pierced my fat navel.
so now, i have to get my navel "un-fatted"
don't eat recklessly during cny, and run more!!
;x
it's totally stinging even though it's been almost twelve hours?
i'm just afraid it'll get infected.
please don't get infected, i don't have another sixty dollars to throw away on another piercing.
joween has to go to the libraryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
D;
or else she'll be a) horribly bored during visiting, b) forced to make polite small talk with relatives who think she's in a course where people act, c) hiding somewhere to sleep
i don't like cny visiting..bleagh..
and make a new library card in addition to borrowing books.
speaking of which i don't think i've returned the school library books...
;x
oops.
too lazy to bring to school when i actually manage to remember.
>.<
okay, bring on wednesday.
wednesday.

^^

2009-01-22T23:11:00.002+08:00

i'm going to miss you so much!!
so you better totally mug your arse off over there and make it worth ditching me here.
i is the completely have to do my work now because i have been dragging it for so long!
i mean it.
stop playing neopets, and chatting online, and reading fanfiction and randomly giggling at nothing.
later people send you to imh then you know.
okay.
i'm totally high.

happyness

2009-01-22T01:26:00.000+08:00

and i can't stop the silly grin that keeps resurfacing.
;D

please come back

2009-01-20T10:37:00.002+08:00

talked to mama last night.
she said that nobody could help everybody.
i want to vomit again.
my stomach has been churning, churning, churning.
and i don't sleep as well as i want to.

chinese

2009-01-18T19:28:00.002+08:00

说好了不哭，结果还是流泪了。
我真觉得好愧疚，今时今日的祸都是我一手酿成的，我谁都不能怪。
自私的是我，利用人的也是我，骗人的是我，不成熟小孩子气的其实是我，不是他。
想到这就想折磨自己，肚子吐空了硬把胆汁往外吐，吐到不能再吐，喉咙被肚酸弄疼了，再倒在马桶前哭。
讨厌自己的没用，讨厌自己的自私，讨厌自己的笨拙，讨厌自己不灵活的自觉。
对不起是一个多么不足够的一句话，当你在别人的背后捅了一刀后，当你出卖他人后，对不起已被贬回原形：简单的三个字；什么作用都没有用。
我根本就没有资格说喜欢人，没有资格和别人交往，连最基本的人性我都没有，我还能在这世上活着吗？
因为我根本就没有一副人样；我害死了一个人，冷落了好多人，欺骗了更多人，利用了身边的所有的人，现在又弄出多一个受害者。
突然想起去年在嘴里叼的烟，手指痒痒的，真的好想再次站在垃圾筒旁抽烟，瞪着路过的人，至少脑海里不会胡思乱想。

because

2009-01-17T23:44:00.001+08:00

joween is not going to church anymore.
because she's a horrible person who is going to be condemned to hell anyway.
and no matter how much she tries, she'll never be able to crawl out.
i'm going straight down to hell.
in the first roller coaster plunge down the cliff.

dear parents

2009-01-15T00:12:00.002+08:00

dear people whom i saw at spcc during my bout of course counselling for jae;
please calm down, take a step back, take a deep breath and breathe some confidence into yourselves.
poly may be the 'new big thing', but when i see some of you, you say you have the passion for dadp/dtvm/dmc, but somewhere inside, you're all faltering and wndering if you shouldn't just waltz off to jc.
you all want to go to university, get a degree, or come out of poly and earn big bucks.
i'll tell you buggers straight that we can't guarantee that.
poly tries to give you the skills you'll need, give you some experience in that arena, from there on out, it's up to yourself to work hard and motivate yourselves.
as i said so many times during my course counsellings, if you have the grades, or if you have what the other party is looking out for, i don't see a problem why you shouldn't be able to go anywhere you want to go.
***
i'm staying up,
waiting up
because you give me these flutterbys all over
and my traitorous heart is thumping,
racing to tapdance its way out of my ribcage.

wishing

2009-01-12T23:31:00.002+08:00

i'm typing this and wishing.
wishing hard.
i've written many letters, but i don't know where to send them to.
i've been doing a lot of thinking.
and at the end of it all, i just want to fall onto my bed and sleep.
and wake up to happier times.

lalas

2009-01-10T11:48:00.002+08:00

i'm so going to be late reporting to school for duty.
who cares.
duty from one to six is nuts; and i'm not even doing course counselling!
i'm doing some crappy ushering.
i hooked bitcomet up to my laptop.
the speed is like a hundred times better, literally.
the school year and holidays seem so identical recently, with the indecipherable piles of work stacked up in my overflowing 'in' tray that doesn't seem to shrink.

paycuts and lovebites

2009-01-07T20:01:00.002+08:00

mama got a paycut.
my sister took up yoga.
***
Rain pounds down on the sidewalk, playful drops assaulting the trees, pouncing on leaves and gently sliding down to plop on grass drenched glossy. Or perhaps it is not just the work of the rain, someone stands in the field with an umbrella, and raindrops are pelting down on it, bouncing off the cherry red fabric.
It is a weird place to be standing in the midst of a thunderstorm, especially if it was a field with no trees, especially since it was a field in which two people had already been crisped by lightning, especially if you are a girl dressed in a white dress with long black hair; you'd look like a ghost.
And she did, she had pale skin, and dark eyes and brows, her lips were the palest pink, she was, quite literally as white as a sheet. She didn't seem to be doing anything, she could have been pondering the mysteries of life, reminiscing about the past, or thinking about the undigested waffle in her stomach from that morning, but she was standing stock still, like a granite statue.
A bead of water rolled off her cheek, and another one, and another one.
Finally she moves -- to look up, a slender finger glides along the umbrella's crimson fabric and comes away wet, rain is seeping through to drip on her. Quietly and calmly, she places the umbrella on the grass, then turns and walks off.
***

drifting, drowning

2009-01-04T21:54:00.002+08:00

i had a dream, and when i woke, i felt this strange thread of guilt tugging at me; my heart, my mind and conscience.
dear mr.mouse,
i still cannot forget, and i think about it almost everyday.
i would like to say i'm sorry, because i want to make it right so bad, but i can't think of how, and i don't have the courage to take the first step.
mr.mouse, thank you for having been there when i most needed support, though you may not have known, my sincerest gratitude is extended in the wake of your patience, company, and presence.
i'm sorry that things have to reach such a stage, where avoidance is the theme of our relationship, and where the rent in the fabric is getting larger and larger.
i no longer know how to speak to you, and i don't think i am qualified to either.
and for hiding and running like the coward that i have always been.
i am truly sorry.

alistair!

2009-01-01T21:21:00.002+08:00

ended up going to watch the fireworks after all;
was a totally last minute decision.
went with alistair, and learnt that this year's fireworks had been cut short by three minutes due to the recession.
then again, they never really had countdown parties and fireworks until the start of the millenium, then i guess people realised how profitable it was?
i dunno, but i love fireworks anyway, and definitely liked the seven minutes of heartpopping brilliance.
went to work today, and it was business as usual with crying children, screaming girls, mean boys, and as i went about my job, i couldn't help but wonder if i would still be doing this for the years to come.
truthfully, i'm afraid of what lies ahead, because i hate not knowing.
i hate not knowing what's to come, and what will become of the world.
it only seems that the world is coming to an end, but we don't know when.
it only seems that everyone will grow old, and i too will age.
it only seems.
yet it doesn't seem.
i hate the passing of every year, and this feeling does not go assuaged.

room clean

2008-12-29T00:48:00.002+08:00

just packed and re-arranged my desk.
and room.
am feeling totally proud of achievements.
on a silly note;
i just discovered, i actually had a mousepad,
right under my nose,
for the longest time.
and i'd been using a brochure as a mousepad.
way to go joween.

cane

2008-12-27T20:08:00.003+08:00

joween is ill.
and school is going to start soon.
D;
monsters came over with a cane today.
i don't know about anyone else, but i am definitely not someone who believes in corporal punishment.
i am someone who believes that there are other means of allowing a child to understand what one has done wrong.
furthermore, i have this ominous premonition, that once i take that first "thwack", it's just going to get easier and easier to threaten violence upon them and the meaning will eventually get lost.
on a happier note; mama and her boyfriend's matching christmas frames!
i really like how they turned out, i think they're like my favourite.

niang's one is my second favourite, although the paint turned out uneven, and the stripes aren't too straight.
;x

the book of love

2008-12-25T21:29:00.002+08:00

worked.
churched.
missed you.

haha

2008-12-24T12:29:00.002+08:00

birthday dedication to yeewei;
who is always there for better or worse.
and always tolerant and happy to listen to my crap.
have a great seventeenth dearest!
(and may all your wishes come through ;p)

warring selves

2008-12-22T10:42:00.002+08:00

card house disintegration.
i am the sad.

hahaHA!

2008-12-18T22:48:00.000+08:00

joween is watching christmas with the kranks on channel five.
based on skipping christmas.
the book was cool, and the movie is really cool.
free frosty!

sunrise

2008-12-16T12:52:00.001+08:00

got more clothes from xiaoyi.
got a cup too, from new zealand.
it's blue with a red rim and a 3D cartoon sheep in a green on green polka dotted sweater on the front.
it's the most fickle cup.
because it's supposed to bleat when i drink from it.
*maaaa~~maaa~~~*
but it only does it occasionally.
i don't dare to use it.
i'm afraid it will break.
and it will be like so many other things lost in my life.
december is cold and rainy, and it seems to be the only unchanging event.

good news for people who like bad news.
so everyone is satisfied in the end.
but those who prefer to hear news that doesn't,
make their hearts skip, blood run frantically through its course trying to,
process everything,
so the emergency defense shields will erect,
the council will convene,
and troubleshooting measures emerge.
and somewhere before, later, in between,
time is made for those Very Important One(s),
so they will know and be the backup force.
but you said "don't call".

toast sculpture

2008-12-13T19:02:00.000+08:00

ただいま～
camp was both rewarding and fulfilling and not.
i lost my ipod.

2008-12-06T16:57:00.002+08:00

i only ever wanted to be with you.
you being anybody.

"Babies should not be punished by being deprived of milk. I am not aware of babies firing rockets or baby milk being used to power rockets.")
-- UNRWA spokesman Chris Gunness, speaking of Israel's actions of cutting off supplies, including powdered milk for babies, to the Gaza Strip.

school's out

2008-12-06T01:12:00.000+08:00

so;
i curse and swear,
jaywalk,
and do things most people won't do,
chatter on and on,
become incredibly hyper.
i've done things i'm not proud of,
and crave the experience of new thrills still.
and maybe i am too easily amused,
and lack self-restraint.
with tendencies to mood swing,
and whine and complain.
i admit to being pushy
and horribly fussy about my pet peeves,
and cringingly uptight about english, hygiene and the way some things should be done.
i don't always practise what i preach.
but that's me, flaws and all, and if you don't like it.
take yourself off a cliff.

ikea2

2008-12-04T21:19:00.000+08:00

JOWEEN IS SELLING(HAS SORT OF ALREADY SOLD) HER HEADPHONES.
D;
because i'm totally giving in to the temptation of the aurvana live headphones.
and the fact that my mama and her boyfriend are only partially sponsoring me for my psp.
anyone wants to give me money for christmas?
it's the most practical present after all.
and will totally go to buying my headphones.
^^
i'm so supposed to be doing work.
but i'm damn brain dead.
so here's presenting the cat family at ikea!
i love you niang, and so do a lot of other people, so nothing else matters.

you are the salt to my pepper, and we'll always be together ^^

ikea one

2008-12-04T00:26:00.001+08:00

this is a star blog.

ikea-ed today for christmas presents.
i'm almost done~
will dump all the pictures up another time,
who knew niang and i could be so fascinated by furniture.
caught twilight online.
the book wasn't much.
the movie?
isn't even there.
it's indescribably boring!
nothing happens.
the lead actor has an ugly jaw.
i sound like i'm clutching at straws, but it's honestly boring as nuts.
i think watching nuts grow would be even more interesting.

D;

2008-12-02T00:42:00.001+08:00

first things first.

though this is lag.

HI YEEWEI!

I'M SOGOSHDARNED GLAD YOU'RE BACK!

I MISSED YOU HEAPS AND WELCOME HOME.

;DDDDDDDDDDD

(it's red for elmo. XD)

i was in a totally good mood.
brought about by it being december first.
no, there is no relation to its being world aids day.
but the keyword is was.
and no, it's not because december first is over.
anyway, school's out in a bit, so we just have to get past this week. ;D
after which, i'll totally retire the alarm clock and its nasty snooze button that never works anyway.
and i guess i'd just like to say that.
it will never work out if one party always has to feel like she has to give in and compensate.
honestly, as i always like to say, no one's putting a gun to your head and forcing you.

uglyfugly

2008-11-29T01:28:00.000+08:00

it would be so nice to get more than four hours of sleep.

the sunkist lemon smile.

sour.

wista

2008-11-27T19:30:00.000+08:00

today was a horrid day.
well, it was from about two thirty till about now.
it's starting to look up a bit now.
it's the effect of being at the airport.
where a malay girl who loks primary five/six just yelled "CIBAI LAH; FUCKING!"
at her errant little sister running away from her.
i am so amused.
and feeling more levelheaded now.

lalaaaa

2008-11-23T22:50:00.000+08:00

okay, so working wasn't that bad today.
my favourite eye candy in the world appeared.
;DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
on the downside.
he's younger than he looks.
DDDDDDDDDDDDD;
BUT, i finished reading my fanfiction.
and i officially want a hot blonde man.
i sound like some SPG.

hokay.
but i got bunny,
which is an alright substitute.
i suppose.
XD
although bunny's got bunny-friend now.
ohwellywells.
i took the bottom pic.
i like it!
=D

bleagh

2008-11-22T22:54:00.000+08:00

this is a happy blog turned unhappy by this post.
i was supposed to have an offday tomorrow.
before my rude sister texted me in capital letters demanding that i reply my boss about whether i could work the next day.
so joween is now going to go to sleep instead of completing the reading of her fanfic.
which was getting really good.
T.T

sigh

2008-11-22T14:01:00.000+08:00

"lee, when people come into this office, you are a visual representation of my business and the way you dress is disgusting."
complications, complications.
i am getting irrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiTATED.
i feel like some kind of processing company.
i hurt my toe; ran a door over it.
-.-"
swelled and bruised and hurt like NUTS.
and then!
the nice auntie from the vietnamese cafe in school, gave me some ointment, and today, it feels lots, lots, LOTS, better.
and my monsters came today.
and i'm drafting an email out to look for a job now.
didja know?
red bull gives you wiiiings!
;D

change

2008-11-21T00:20:00.000+08:00

changed my skin to cheer myself up.
it reminds me of sheep and cows bouncing about all cottony fluff and swinging teats.
that's not why it's going to cheer me up, it's just the distraction.
trying to organise the child sponsorship issue with the class is not going well.
horrible people at the website refuse to reply my email.
evil people.
and i got this red swelling on my left eye.
it is totally difficult to see, but it hurts like @@#$%^&*(^%$%$#$^&*&^%$ nuts everytime i blink.
and i want a job this holidays but it's so damn short and i really wanna work it fairs because they're so much more convenient and i totally don't mind skipping one day of school and getting mama to stand in for hyatt just so i can earn some money.
don't think my monsters will be returning after i chased them off the other day.
speaking of which, i am still sick of ingrates.
unhappy!

cramps

2008-11-19T22:34:00.000+08:00

blahblahblah.

panda

2008-11-19T01:11:00.000+08:00

five hours, two days.
eight hours, three days.
go figure.
bleagh.
jenny ask me go work during the holidays.
tampines again.
if i go back to read my posts then, i vaguely recall, squishy aisles that leave you breathless, cartons of stock twice my height, horrid customers and price tagging.
so despite desperately requiring money, i turned her down and gave sinying the job.
money..
T.T

tiiiredd

2008-11-17T02:49:00.000+08:00

waiting for ben10 alien force to finish downloading is like
OMNWTHDAMMITWOLS!
i have the best coffee candy in the world.
why?
because it's my candy.
i want a permanent ride to school.
i am being happily no-link.
because i can't sleep.
and i got this excess energy.
i like openhouses.
^^
i don't even know why i dammit waste time on you people.
you aren't appreciative, you don't bother, you barely tolerate people giving you information you need but lack.
and i keep telling myself.
i'm just going to leave the mucking around to you guys.
but i'm still not.
and i tell myself.
this has gotta stop.

drifters

2008-11-13T19:49:00.000+08:00

http://news.sg.msn.com/oddities/article.aspx?cp-documentid=1783576
is there anything to look forward to anymore?

friends

2008-11-12T20:19:00.000+08:00

hsbc called today, of all things to promote some loan schemes to me.
the lady'd called yesterday, didn't recognise the number, so i didn't return it.
she called again today, all chirpy.
"HI! I'M CALLING FROM HSBC BANK? TO INTRODUCE YOU TO SOME LOAN PROMOTIONS! ;DD"
you could hear the smile dripping from her voice.
"i'm sorry, i'm only sixteen."
*chatters on excitedly*
"miss, i'm only SIXTEEN. ONE SIX. i'm still SCHOOLING."
-.-
way to get minus income huh.
get a loan from the bank befor eyou can even earn money.

hgjgijkkkk

2008-11-08T14:19:00.000+08:00

the internet is more than just for porn, fanfiction, bloghopping, youtube watching.
there are a ton of rubbish you can do too!
;D
http://www.throx.com/ (socks)
http://www.bigwhitewall.com/ (support wall)
http://www.freerice.org/
http://www.livingxl.com/
http://www.grocerylists.org/
http://www.midomi.com/
i think midomi is kinda fun!
;DDD

goner

2008-11-06T20:47:00.000+08:00

i look back on my years past
at the months gone by
living hard and fast
surfing on a high
and days when i just
curled up to cry.
now, i stand in dust
wishing i could fly.

cows

2008-11-05T20:57:00.001+08:00

okay, i understand that this is SO wrong?
but there's some baby competition on tv now, and some girl walked out in a bikini and a hello kitty float around her waist, and the hello kitty head was very aptly positioned.
okay, bad joween.
>.<
went to tekong today.
it was alright i guess.
and i've been having weird dreams lately.
>.<
super weird but curiously enjoyable dreams.
aaand.
anyway, there is this cow.
she's tethered to a stick in the middle of a field, and everyday
she munches her way from the inside to the outermost reaches of her literal circle of influence.
and everyday she contemplates what will happen if she finishes the grass in that circle.
she would die!
the thought was too horrible to even contemplate even further.
now there was more luscious green grass just outside her circle of influence, and she decided that if her grass was going to be finished, she was going to have to chew through the rope, and so she decided to dedicate a portion of her time daily to chewing through that rope instead of chewing on cud.
A: what she didn't know was that daily, the farmer would move the stick away from the original spot and stake it further on, so the cow's circle of grass would never deplete.
the morning after she realised that she might run out of grass, the cow was about to begin gnawing on the rope, when she realised that there was more grass than she left it the day before!
her short sighted eyes failed to see the bald patches she had left behind, and her fears of starving were no longer an issue.
and instead of putting her teeth to the rope, she regurgitated more cud and slowly began to chew on it, and all thoughts of chewing through her rope to get to more grass were forgotten.
B: the next morning, she woke up especially early to begin chewing through her rope, she'd only do a little bit at a time, she had it all mapped out.
if she only did it a little at a time, she'd finished munching through the rope by the time she finished the grass in her immediate influence.
however, the grass was growing at a steady pace, and never seemed to end, so much so, that one day, after she'd managed to chew through her rope, she sat back on her haunches and actually thought: why did i chew through my rope?
she had no recollection of her earlier worries as they had been proven to be unfounded. and so, despit having effectively earned her freedom, she continued eating the grass from the original circle before.
OH YEAH, BY THE WAY?!
OBAMA WON!

cvbdsad

2008-11-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

that's right.
avenue q.
omn!
it was AWESOME.
the sex scene between kate and princeton?
puppet porn at its best.
and lucy the slut having the most gorgeous breasts as a lifeline thingamawhatsit?
and trekkie being the voyeuristic monster with ten million in cash dealing in porn?
omnomnomn!
it was a great experience~~
;DDD
i can't stop omn-ing.
-.-
okay, gotta go and settle my hard disk.
my music is all aclutter and
because i'm getting increasingly anal about order and organising,
i have to sort it out.
D;
kids tomorrow.
i don't wanna work no more!
the maids who accompany their mini masters around tell me i'm one of the longest working people there so far!
T.T

miaow

2008-10-31T00:15:00.000+08:00

i can't wait for november fifth.
i can make claim for my lost ez link train concession.
joween is mightily broke now.
no money for tkd training fee!
(better not go first. -.-")
andandand!
yeewei is my favouritest favouritest person in the whole widey world to favouritely favourite.
^^
the end.
;D

scott

2008-10-28T23:54:00.000+08:00

why is it that in movies, whenever someone calls and wakes the other person up in the middle of the night, it's always three in the morning?
why is it i always manage to jinx myself?
why is it i never get my frozen yogurt?
whywhywhy.

***
you and i are like parallell train tracks.
always at the same distance apart and never meeting.
but doomed to accompany each other throughout our long journey.

okayye

2008-10-27T00:23:00.000+08:00

OKAY.
i'm going to pretend i don't know jinnchyau tagged me.
(i'm SO SORRY!! i don't have anyone to tag back! joween's a really pathetic person, honest.)
today, i carried a two year old blonde girl with a carpet burn.
comforted her and all, whilst trying to get a dad who just came in to deposit his kids to fill in the form.
he looked at me at totally went: are you leaving your daughter here too?
then realised: oh hey, you work here! i'm sorry, i thought you were one of the mums.
mygoshhhhh.
can you imagine me going around with an even larger belly than i have now?
with even more fats and lumps sagging off me?
in my sec.3 school uniform?!
it does not bear contemplating.
however, it allows me to have this idea that i could very possibly sneak in to watch where in the world is osama bin laden because technically, i could just walk in and not be stopped because, i look so OLD.
okay, enough bitching on that.
joween totally wants to read countdown to final crisis.
and final crisis.
OMNNNNNNNNN.
i hate the local bookstores for not stocking those comics at REASONABLE prices!
i mean, i can only find them at kinokuniya which we all know, is not kind to the pockets of a tertiary student.
and, to top it off, they are still stuck at selling 52.
which is the series BEFORE countdown.
i could just go 'POP'.
and down about a quart of liquor accompanied by three and a half packs of cigarettes.
okay, just kidding, about the latter, i could still just explode.
i think, i had too much of those really yummy gummies, the natural confectionery thingthing?
totally not sure.
but i just finished the pack.
i am going to grow FATTER with unused glucose in my bloodstream!
anyways, honneh's birthday panties!
dunno whether she objects to them being posted up?
but look, they're just panties, it's not like you people don't go around without undergarments.

okay, it's in order of my favourites(least to most, if you couldn't already tell), kudos to niang for the bush, and yes, you can now tell me i'm a pervert and all that bullcrap.
^^
***

so, there is this sound in the forest, but nobody heard it, is it still a sound?
it is like the goose in the bottle, how do we free the goose from the bottle without damaging the bottle or injuring the goose?
does the bottle become the goose's prison or vice versa?
it's all just words, just because i pose such a question or mention such a possibility, does not mean one should ponder about it, how does anyone free the goose or determine if it is a sound?
simply by saying it.
with words.

castle of dreams

2008-10-21T23:16:00.000+08:00

it's near a year and twenty days.
i'm sorry i forgot this year, i can't guarantee i won't next year, but i will always remember you.

***

joween is sick of trying to help unappreciative selfish people who don't take the initiative and are constantly waiting to be spoonfed. FUCK TO YOU ALL. you TWO actually. you just made me throw my non-swearing pledge out the window.
THANKS.

***

uncle bought korean grapes today.
they are the most delicious grapes on earth, they are large, deep purple, juicy, and they smell like those grape flavourings in food.
those grape flavoured products that smell like a grape that doesn't exist?
now a grape exists, some "hwa seong" grape or something, according to the packaging, supposedly seasonal, available once a year.
it pops out of it skin smoothly and the seeds just slide out just as easily, it has chewy flesh, tastes tangy-sweet, makes people happy.

***

who decided we needed heroes?
i have dreams where these heroes save the day once more, but they aren't fast enough, and everything crumbles.

bloop

2008-10-19T23:27:00.000+08:00

procrastination is mocking me.
i can hear that menacing twit and his "muahaha"s,
echoing in that irritating manner that his voice tends towards.
grrrr.
**
she wasn't feeling too good, the cheese and tomato from the pasta she'd had from earlier churned in her stomach.
it was the work of the bus bouncing along the road.
she could barely hold it down, it'd just take one deciding factor, she could feel it in the swirling liquid.
and then SHE came up, we'd call her, the pillsbury doughgirl.
because that was exactly what she seemed to be, all plump and soft, like little balls of misshapen dough appliqued together to form her limbs and body.
the pillsbury doughboy's best friend, or possibly sweetheart, sat next to her, and made things go down a rather unhappy way, or, go up a rather unhappy way.
for she smelt like dough as well, chocolate chip cookie dough, all flour sugar and egg.
and she felt it gurgle up, in a wet sounding "ulrp!", burning the back of her throat, the sour acid rising up with a curious bitterness, as though the bile had somehow found its way up with any retching.
**
i'm sleepy and won't continue.
ohwells.

sleepy

2008-10-16T19:19:00.001+08:00

i am really tired.
i don't know why, it's like this cloud of drowsiness has fallen on my head.
i am going to sleep early tonight.
soon actually, i can't even think straight or walk properly.
O.O
i actually composed a wishlist, it's under profile.
-.-
whoever reads my blog and thinks they'd like to get me something for christmas?
please refer to the profile page.
it's a great idea to save money too.
X)
unless you're all apparently richer than i think you are.
i am succeeding in keeping my school stuff more organised than last semester though.
i am going to work hard at that, i will pull my gpa up because it will be excuses to say that it was just the first sem, that there weren't seniors to help out, and that the course is tough.
finished watching season one of heroes.
wow.
it is addictive.
i gotta control.
rediscovered how happy i am reading comics and novels in general.
gotta stop that too.
there's less and less time in the world for ourselves.

gfuyrekjhgfchjk

2008-10-14T22:46:00.000+08:00

**
it's a glitter glue revolution.
echoing within the confines of my head
as i walk down a crazy cotton candy path
in the most colourful of ways,
i cannot imagine as a dark gray/blue seeps in.
**
i am feeling indescribable, and it isn't a good kind of indescribable, there's a dryness in my eyes, an aching in my shoulders, a pounding in my mind, and again.
i am thinking.

sistic

2008-10-11T21:57:00.001+08:00

i am so irritated by sistic.
sidenote: hiro from heroes is so cute, he is the humour in the otherwise sombre and sort of dark show, buuut, i digress.
my main point is this:

that's a sistic envelope.
it is supposed to contain tickets to avenue q.
two tickets.
well, it didn't contain anything.
after my mother finished struggling with the envelope,
she opened it to find only the typical blank ticket with her name and our address.
the receipt of the transaction and the little cardboard folder that usually contains the tickets?
nada.
not in the envelope.

so i called the hotline, to speak with this really sad person.

who couldn't make any decisions on her own, and could only bleat uselessly like some dying goat.

the conversation started off nicely enough, she got the details to check about the tickets and etc.

but that was about where the niceties ended.

she returned and produced some rubbish a.k.a. information on how sistic actually ensures the integrity of ticket mailing, and how thorough the process is.

i tell her, i am not interested in how "perfect" their system is, as i have gotten tickets sent without any hitches before, and the reality that i have not received any tickets is sitting on my desk.

in front of me.

i ask her how she plans to solve the problem.

she puts me on hold.

for the second time.

have i mentioned how irritatingly cheery and high pitched their "on hold" tone is?

and it isn't even the typical symphonic melody, it's some trashy electronic dingdong.

and then she comes back and says.

"it is impossible for you to not have received the tickets..yada..yada..YADA-"

"well, it apparently IS possible, because i do not have them, i don't want to hear anymore about how accurate your ticketing system is...-"

at this point in time, she really lands herself in soup, my mother has overheard, and is gesturing to have the phone transferred to her much more indignant hands.

"are you calling me a liar?!"

"no, i have heard enough about how you send tickets, i don't care how many people check through it, because there is such a thing as human error, right?"

"if you cannot do anything, then get off the phone and put your manager on, i want to speak with someone who has authority, if you cannot make decisions, then get me to someone who can."

"i am not going to pay for these tickets okay. i am going to CALL my credit card company, and i am going to tell them, that i am not paying for this transaction, no, i don't care if it's already gone through the system, i am not receiving what i paid for, so i don't see a point of paying for it."

"are you calling me a liar? why would i lie about not receiving the tickets? look, if i lost them, i wouldn't be calling, and so far away from the show date, if the performance was two days later or something, it would be highly suspect, but it isn't and as things go, i just got back from malaysia, i open my mail, and there is a ton of mail to sort through, and there isn't enough time for me to lose my tickets and ask for replacements."

"if i lost them, i would still pay, because it is my fault, look, i really don't want to hear anymore of your excuses, i am giving you two days to solve the problem, i will call back on monday, and you better have a solution. what's your name?"

that's my mother, dragon supreme, i am very happy to not be the bleating goat.

because i don't like to deal with my mother on such matters anyways.

my family is full of dragon women, all complain queens, singapore should pay them money to become the national enblem or something.

well, i really hope the matter gets settled though, because avenue q really is worth watching and the voices are good.

and i think my mother'd enjoy it.

;DDDD

rovingggg

2008-10-11T14:47:00.000+08:00

back from y****-land~
got my proper running shoes.
and ate a lot of nice stuff in cameron.
forgot my camera, so no pretty pictures of scenery!
D;
i got three cacti though.
one with sunny yellow flowers.
one shaped like a flower, i dunno what sort of flower, but a flower.
and one pot of cacti shaped like roses.
they are gorgeous.
i hope they survive, i don't want my lovely cacti to die.
i'll post pictures of them soon.
once the bud finally blooms so the yellow flower is visible!
;D
and.
i'm praying real hard, so please,pleasepleasepleasepleeeaaase!!!!!!
don't come into the course.
DON'T.

ffgfjng

2008-10-04T23:29:00.000+08:00

i have discovered, the PERFECT word.
SMUG.
that's the only word i can think of to describe (youknowifyouknow)
other than arrogant.
and condescending.
you'll notice that those words are a disgusting shite-y colour.
it's supposed to be that way.
purple is a preeeeeetaye colour.
not for describing twerps.
anyways.....
i got something fermenting in my head which i will write rather soon.
before i head to malaysia.
CAMERON HIGHLANDS AND STRAWBERRIES!!!!
yupp!
i feel so much better now.
^^

jfjsdhfjd

2008-10-02T22:17:00.000+08:00

HAHA!

i just discovered, that i can find the DAMN colour changing thing already.

stupid blogger.

and i got prettaye font.

it's GREEN.

and i'm so doing a purple.

and an orange.

andandand OMN.

i don't know.

and i don't know where i heard it from, but it's just stuck in my head.

EVUHRYBAHDY!

it's the "bahdy" part.

that pronunciation is currently rocking my socks.

everybahdy~~

i cannot believe i am getting high on a random accented pronunciation of everybody.

anyways.

joween and her mama.

first november.

avenue q.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am hopping all over the room.

and for some reason, i have picked up the terrible habit of going :

FUCKIN' A!

okay.

this was another toally high, and random post, brought to you by joween chong.

who rocks.

okay, that sounded soooooo SESAME STREET!!!

omn!!!

oscar the grouch.

okay, i gotta stop.

i miss all them jc buggers. D:

your call.

2008-09-29T19:21:00.000+08:00

i slept the unconsciousness of the guilty and restless while the rain beat a steady pitter patter beyond the glassed panels which went unnoticed as i shifted away from the warmed spot to cooler sheets with thoughts running around my mind like liquors shaken in a cocktail, milk in coffee, sugar in tea, work undone, lose ends untied, words said over and over, joining the kaleidoscopic clash and all the pressure builds up and i almost think of geting up to do something, anything to stem the flow of untroubled slumber, while sloth calls and pulls me deeper into the crack in the earth's surface, which plaster and cement cannot hide even with the thick smeary paint i desperately glop on but it keeps sliding off, pooling onto the ground, an alice in wonderland setup for the first time i stop flying and peer intot eh looking glass afraid of what i'll see, because i already know of the dorian gray-esque portrait reflected on my own and the reverse psychology is just enough to push me to that edge and i snuggle up with that lamb and purloined overcoat with the scents overlapping until i am not sure of the entities involved and i am biting my lip and there is blood which brings me back to a reality where nothing has gone according to plan, so it isn't a reality because i am not laughing, smiling, or anything and everythingisjustdamnfuckedupandcrazylookingandreflectingoffthefreakingwallswhichturnouttobenothingmorethanmirrorsandpolishedglassand i am sweating and tossing, an egg in the mixer added to flour and sugar, except it isn't sugar but salt and pepper and sand and ash and i catch glimpses of the room and snatches of conversation that merge standing into the swirly rows of numbers, symbols, letters and i am a child again learning my alphabet and numbers and i open my eyes, and take away the comfort that i can turn back time and change everything.

floooobs!

2008-09-25T01:26:00.000+08:00

joween is like china milk, tio pwned by plastic.
stepped on this plastic stick thingy during training.
went into my toe, and got tweezered out by ma'am eileen.
then i went home and drenched the barely two mm hole in alcohol.
on the way home from training, where jinwei and i were scaring each other playing silent hill origins.
or rather, he was playing, and i was "backseat driving".
AND THEN THE crazy pizza hut fellow APPEARED AGAIN!!
not in the game, there's no such character, but in real life.
okay, confusion.
well, the pizza hut guy, now shortformed to C, for crazy/creepy/confused..and so on.
first week we saw C, i was going home with sherwyn and jinwei, and we were having a retarded conversation which can be interpreted as hilarious in a bystander's viewpoint.
so C gets on, and sits at the intersection of the mrt with us, and for some reason, he keeps staring my direction and smiling.
we wrote it off as my being overly loud, chatty and moronic, thus earning amused looks from people.
well, this week, going home with jinwei, C got on the train again!
we were engrossed in silent hill.
and at city hall, suddenly, someone squeezed through the crowd to plop down across us.
so we looked up.
and discovered, it is the same maniac who works at pizza hut!
and this time, i am positive that he is staring at me with his weird, scary grin.
because whenever i rolled my eyes up surreptitiously, or rather, attempting to be, imade eye contact.
WHICH IS TOTALLY DISTURBING.
i am freaked out by this man who acts suspisciously, looks unstable, smells like fast food and is generally, a very shady person.
oh, and my stupid toe hole splotched the sheet with blood.
for which i am eternally dumbfounded, as it is pathetically miniscule.

thank you.

lala

2008-09-22T23:18:00.000+08:00

joween's big theory on why (according to jade as said to indigo in one of the dc comics outsiders comics)heroes quip and villains monologue.

mainly, joween thinks that villains talk more to help the heroes.
it makes them easier to defeat! ;DD
i should go through this without rambling right?
okay, start from the beginning of the battle:
villain comes in and announces his name and etc., and how he is going to turn the place to his own private playboy mansion!
in this time,the hero can probably already think up of some way or the other to defeat the villain, or quip at appropriate moments to turn the bad guy's monologue on him/herself.
the villains' monologuing probably also distracts him from the real fight at hand.
meaning he/she gets careless!
which allows our beloved hero to comeback with a great parting shot, literally and figuratively.
villains also especially LOVE monologuing when the hero is down.
this gives the hero time to recover, also, they get sloppy and don't make sure that the hero is properly injured and unable of getting up sometime soon as they are so caught up with the sound of their own voice.
so the hero is allowed time to recover and once more, make some noble short statement, and bring the villain down.
therefore, villains are actually more powerful than heroes!
;D
they just love themselves more, which explains why they aren't heroes because heroes are supposed to be utterly selfless and all that bullcrap.
XD

mamma mia

2008-09-19T23:07:00.000+08:00

原本是要以英文打字的，不知不觉地却以华文打字。
好久没以华文打字，不知道翻译中会有什么不对的地方。
＊＊
这几天怪怪的，总是有些不请而冒出来的感触。
有失落，没自信，孤单，闷闷的感觉。
脑海里只有着那张照片：虽然是没彩色的，却看得出她是您喜欢的可爱类型典范少女。
圆圆的脸颊，乌黑的长发，笑得眼睛眯紧的眼睛。
看了；好不爽。
一千个，一万个胡思乱想在心里，头里裸跑。
我已经好几天的紧憋着，好几个星期的默默无语，好几个月的没抽烟。
记得手里拿着烟来代替牵您手的感觉。
记得猛吸着烟，要感觉到大家说抽烟时会有的高潮。
记得与抽烟的朋友所共有的默契，至少当时有人陪着。
超想再次把钱交给杰仁，从他手里把烟拿过来。
当时是为了你而不抽烟的，为你改了很多，感觉到自己的声音已经被您的所代替了。
今天，我笑了，与同我一起工作的人开怀大笑，才发现自己已经好久好久没听到自己笑声了，长期没练习由衷的笑声真的好难听。
又想起了那张照片，我真的好像在她脸上，添加一些永不消失的疤痕。
＊＊
今天，我呆在家里读书。
好闷。

chinese

2008-09-17T14:13:00.000+08:00

在此意识到，自己心情不佳时都会选择以母语打字。
这段学期的成绩已出笼了。
gpa使自己觉得十分窝囊，也好似证明了自己的无脑。
所谓勤能补拙，我却见不到这成语里的见智。
到了作战的先锋，被打得片甲不留，却又不能打退堂鼓卧薪尝胆，只能硬着头皮死死地撑下去。

red light district

2008-09-16T01:39:00.000+08:00

found a holiday job.
so did wayne.
guess where he's working?

guessed yet?

i'll give you a hint, he solicits lonely ladies...

coffee, tea or wayne?
XD

flashhh

2008-09-12T01:21:00.000+08:00

the late night painkiller that is so overused in this kiddy meal and toy, cash and sex, weapons and pain world.
the unhappiness that is so overlooked in this mommy i want this, daddy buy me that, and diy orgasm world.
the money that is so overestimated in this moolah, green, dough, buck, dollar signs world.
the humanity that is so overrated in this grass killing, vegetation burying, fertiliser immune world.
and the love that's always overhead but never confrontational in this cowardly world.

teentitans

2008-09-10T19:43:00.000+08:00

been feeling off lately, but the perfect remedy always comes in the form of justice league and teen titans!
i swear, i love batman.
and the flash.
especially the episode where flash is shown to be the equivalent of the man that no longer exists a.k.a. perfect.
and batman is shown to have the best intelligence on everybody.
EVER!!!!
physically and psyche-wise.
may i add that the episode of the justice league as kids is still the best?
because batman is such an adorable kid.
oh.
MEET BOBBY.

he's my teddy bear and he won't hesitate to attack if you piss me off.

but after all the adrenaline fades away?
nothing is left.
i don't even know why i'm so moody.
okay, i do know, but i'm just refusing to face it.
or rather, i'm dealing with it.
or not as well as i thought i would be.
on a more random and joween-sounding note, i want to watch avenue q.
which i am unable to.

somewhere today i thought about you.
and i knew.
that it wasn't the case for you.

gfthsrl

2008-09-06T23:18:00.000+08:00

i am maria/yati/*insert common maid names* reinvented.
because i cannot find a job outside my weekend tuition and nannying, i am going to stay home and clean up the house.
like scrub the sofa.
wipe the windows.
iron the clothes.
aside from my favourite sweeping and mopping the floor.
yay me.
NOT.

***
"so! you would like to make movies." the portly man seated across her bellowed.
he had a moustache that rested just above his thin upper lip completely mismatched with an almost bulbous, full lower lip.
"yes! the man who introduced me here, he said you make wonderful movies! that i would one day be up on the billboards next to brad pitt, orlando bloom, johnny depp....!" she seemed unable to speak without the use of exclamation marks.
"i make arthouse films girl, films you wouldn't be able to even understand." the man surveyed his office, then stood up and picked up a vase on the sideboard.
he stared at his reflection in it, then put it back down.
she had been chattering on while he'd done in inspection of the clean vase amidst his pristine office of glass, chrome and leather.
everything was cream and black, and the place reeked of disinfectant and canned air freshener.
it was the office of modern people who felt they were important and ordered desks that resembled nothing less than twisted metal and immense sheets of glass offset by random little baubles that had no use in a workplace, just like the plush leather sofa that sat next to the door at the end of the room across the desk.
"-i know all about those artsy-fartsy films! i've done MANY of them! all the directors said i have a LOT of talent! in fact, i've done a few best sellers! you must know them! titandick, pillagers of the carribean: caress of the black clit, harry plugger, finding clit-o, oh! and, and, and lord of the dicks: the two peaks! i've also done some plays transcripted to movies, mostly shakespeare, like much adick about virgins, rodeos and juliets, fishnets and bordellos..."
she trailed off, having finally noticed the appoplexed shade of red on the poor man's face, in the midst of polishing a small crystal bird ornament on the sleeve of his carefully tailored suit.
his mouth fell open and for once he was unconcerned about his image, nor that of the fate of the bird slipping from slackened fingers.
***

i need to get a life.
o.o
aside from thinking up useless things.

gnhgfjukm

2008-09-03T16:06:00.000+08:00

i am not going swear.
because it would only be one word, and it would demonstrate my lack of abusive vocabulary.
but i am damn pissed off larh!!!
it is so annoying, whenever people use my sanitary napkins and don't replace them for me!
I AM NOT RICH.
I GOT NO PILES OF CASH SITTING IN MY BANK.
I GOT TKD TRAINING AND GRADING FEES TO PAY.
I GOT TO GET STATIONERY.
MY WEEKEND JOBS ARE PAYING ME PEANUTS.
AND YOU AREN'T LETTING ME GET A PART TIME HOLIDAY JOB.
AND THEN YOU FREAKING USE MY PADS SO I DON'T HAVE ANY WHEN I NEED THEM.
and now, i have to wear a bra, on my sunburn, which disgustingly hurts because the straps are chafing against my shoulders.
oh, did i mention it's RAINING?!
i changed my mind.
i am going to swear after all: FUCK LARH!

2008-09-02T01:39:00.000+08:00

i need to start writing down what i need to do, when, and where.

fjhg

2008-08-29T00:25:00.000+08:00

sicksicksick.
i have no idea how you can live with yourself.
it was my father's birthday yesterday.
mama said she should at least message him because he was that courteous to her this year.
told her not to.
why does the "right" thing feel so wrong?

**
the piece of paper in X's hand was highly suspicious..
it was too clean.
there was none of the expected scrunchy-up look native to letters people didn't know how to write or begin.
there wasn't even a single cancelled out "Dear X", "X", "Sir/Madam".
it seemed as though the author already had in mind what to say; and it all jumped out at X accusingly.
or not.
X glanced at it, mere theatrics, X tossed it into the wastepaper basket and continued with the work on the desk.
concentration didn't seem to come though, so X decided to go to sleep.
**

i was the one who waited all night for a call that never came, the message that died on the line, the suggestion that never conceived.
the one who tried, but never even got a chance to lift off let alone crash and burn with dignity.
the one who decided to go with best, because second best just isnt enough anymore.

movies

2008-08-27T21:30:00.000+08:00

i have a ton of movies i wanna catch..
but no funds.
want to watch 12 lotus for no good reasin.
-.-
will have to watch myself though. no one seems interested..
want to watch bad habits.
but i'm too young.
mad about english seems nice.
wouldn't mind catching cyborg she either.
upcoming movies that i wanna catch:
- star wars:the clone wars
- mamma mia!
- where in the world is osama bin laden
- disaster movie
- the house bunny
- shanghai baby
- butterfly lovers
yupp...

kgfdgh

2008-08-27T05:15:00.001+08:00

not much inspiration lately.
to study that is.
or at least, it feels that way.
didn't manage to get much studying done monday after the test.
migraine.
tuesday, was just a haze of information trying to stick.
wednesday, now, today, is the paper.
i got one more chapter.
or rather, i just need someone to explain the chapter to me.
because i don't get it.
but it's one of the lighter ones to memorise.
inspiration to do other things run rampant though.
joween has no self control and it serves her right if she has to retain or repeat modules.
as quoted from kenneth: life's a bitch, if it were easy, it'd be a slut.
listening to all sorts of retard emo songs.
feel like crying.
*slaps self*
don't okay?!
so diu lian.
it'll be better in the long run, you'll see.
out of sight, out of mind.

mugginng

2008-08-24T22:25:00.000+08:00

my head hurts and i feel like vomitting.

from mugging the other day.
toodles.

kfhgpi;g

2008-08-22T14:03:00.000+08:00

joween has to stop surfing illicit websites using the school internet. (x100)

ff!

2008-08-22T01:38:00.001+08:00

it's been ages since i touched my ff account.
and i can't do it now, because, i have exams!
-.-"
but basically, i'm back to my old d/g shipping.
and there's this really nice song.....
that's really nice for the pairing.
cyndi thomson: what i really meant to say
but!
i can't write it because of my papers and i need time to properly sit down to properly think everything out clearly.
GAHH.

your ears are so large,
i bet ELEPHANTS gather in their herds just to poke fun
at you.

dsafedwgrg

2008-08-20T21:23:00.000+08:00

my mother just told me i look like crap.
and that i should sleep earlier.
WOWWEE.
like that's news mom, you've always had a problem with the way i dress and look and the amount of hours i sleep, no matter i sleep a lot or sleep too little.
rarrh.
joween wants icecream, jelly, juice, pudding.
okay no, i actually don't.
i just wanna blend oranges and peach vitagen/yakult(whatever it is) with ice together and drink it!!
ot apples and regular flavour vitagen/yakult.
T.T
i don't mind blending it with vanilla ice cream either.
omnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
D=
that's what fertilises cellulite and fats joween.
shut up.

aaa

2008-08-19T22:18:00.000+08:00

thanks for the hearts bunny.
XD
the more perfect version..hahas..

orh

2008-08-18T20:58:00.001+08:00

there is a certain beauty to be had
in death.
the silence that belaid
any exterior.
the stillness which will clad
all aura
and colour over every shade
with ivory.
there is a certain beauty found
where there is no life.

fff

2008-08-18T00:27:00.000+08:00

miserable.
i wanna go downstairs and find the stray cats around my block and feed them fancy feast tuna chunks like i used to.
and pet their silly little pointy ears.
and watch them bare their pointy little fangs in pink-mouthed yawns.
because they don't expect anything from you.
you just meow at them at feed them food and they'll let you pet them.
no inspiration or motivation anymore.